Math Jokes
1.) The birthday study:
It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that
those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den
Hartog, Ph D. Thesis University of Groningen.
2.) Answering machine:
Hello, this is probably 438-9012, yes, the house of the famous statistician. I'm
probably not at home, or not wanting to answer the phone, most probably the
latter, according to my latest calculations. Supposing that the universe doesn't
end in the next 30 seconds, the odds of which I'm still trying to calculate, you
can leave your name, phone number, and message, and I'll probably phone you
back. So far the probability of that is about 0.645. Have a nice day.
3) Worries while flying:
Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an
hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but
don't worry, there are three left.
However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York. A little
later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left,
but it would take 10 hours to get to New York.
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third
engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a
single engine.
However, it would now take 18 hours to get to new York. At this point, one
statistician turned to the other and said, "Gee, I hope we don't lose that last
engine, or we'll be up here forever!"
4) Reducing travel risk:
There was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always
accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it , then
slow down again once he'd got over it. One day, he took a passenger, who was
understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast
over junctions. The statistics student replied, "Well, statistically speaking,
you are far more likely to have an accident at a junction, so I just make sure
that I spend less time there."