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1.)  A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife.

She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?"

He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort.

He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left.

The wife was curious, so she asked, "What are you doing, honey?"

"I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.


2.)  When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

The Russians use a pencil.



-- I'm not convinced. I'm going to go give her a good shaking?

-- I'm sure we'll all be laughing about this in no time!

-- It's funny -- we all thought you'd be the first to go, Grandpa.

-- You know, your husband never paid back that $50 he owed

-- Look! He just moved.


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