1. Ending It All
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has
come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away
with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact
location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below
the left nipple.
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the
left knee.
2. Nickles and Dimes
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being
stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a
dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says,
"Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth
more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"
Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so
far I've made $20!"