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1.)    A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer,
decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a
nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house,
and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my
porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes
and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation
said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch
goes ALL the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm
starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes
we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.

'Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint
left over, so I gave it two coats.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for
the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten
dollar tip.

'And by the way, ' the blonde added,

' it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'

 

 2).  A man walks into a bar with a paper bag.

He sits down and places the bag on the counter.

The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9" high and
sets him on the counter.

He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the
counter as well.

He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which
he places in front of the piano.

The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful piece
by Mozart!

"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.

This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bar tender and
says: "Here. Rub it."

So the bar tender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a
beautiful genie is standing before him.

"I will grant you one wish... just one wish... each person is only allowed
one!"

The bartender gets real excited Without hesitating he says,
"I want a million bucks!"

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by
another duck, then another.

Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they just keep on
coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says,
"Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks,
not a million ducks."

"No kidding!!" says the man,
''Do you really think I asked for a 9 inch pianist?!"

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