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1.)     Two men went into a diner and sat down at the counter. They ordered two sodas, took sandwiches out of their packs and started to eat them. 
The owner saw what was going on and approached the men. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," he complained. 
The two men stopped, looked at each other, and then swapped their sandwiches.

 

2.)     A man walks to 5th Ave. & 42nd St. in New York City during a downpour and somehow manages to get a taxi immediately. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Sheldon." 
"Who?" 
"Sheldon Cohen. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my cab being vacant during a rainstorm. It would have happened like that for Sheldon every single time." 
"Well, no one is perfect. There are always a few clouds over everybody", stated the passenger. 
"Not Sheldon," said the cabbie. "He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star. Handsome and sophisticated, more than Cary Grant. He had a better body than Arnold in his prime. He was something!
"Somehow Sheldon just knew exactly how to make women happy," the cabbie continued. "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighbourhood blacks out." 
"Wow, incredible , no wonder you remember him!" said the passenger.
"Well, I never actually met Sheldon," admitted the cabbie.
"Then how do you know so much about him?" asked the passenger. 
"After he died, I married his wife."

 

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