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1.) St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention.
"Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"
"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"
"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."
"Sounds easy enough. OK."
So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"
The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."
Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward.
"Did you have any family?" he asked.
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet, and I made him myself in my own image, no sex was involved."
Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"
The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"
2.) Will It Hurt?
A woman going through her first pregnancy asks her doctor
if childbirth will hurt. The doctor answers, "Well, it's
difficult to describe pain." "I know, but can't you give me
some idea?" she asks. "Grab your upper lip and pull it out
a little...Now, a little more...A little more...There! Does
that hurt?" The woman answers, " Well… yes."
Good," the doctor replies, "now stretch it over your head!"
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