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1.)     A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. He turns to the person sitting next to him and says, ''You wanna hear a blonde joke?'' 
The person replies, ''I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. 
My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. 
And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?'' 

The man thinks for a while and replies, ''Not if I have to explain it three times.''

 

2.)     One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems fine, but after awhile she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems fine, but after awhile she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So, Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

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