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So Dumb It Hurts
A man stopped his car to ask for directions. "Excuse me,
Sir. What's the quickest way to town?"
"Are you walking or driving?" asked the local man.
"Well, that's the quickest way!"
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a
little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the
side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The girl is wearing a fire
fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and cat. The fire fighter walks
over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter
says with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl says.
The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your firetruck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
At age 4 success is ... Not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is ... Having friends.
At age 16 success is ... Having a driver's license.
At age 20 success is ... Having sex.
At age 35 success is ... Having Money.
At age 50 success is ... Having Money.
At age 60 success is ... Having sex.
At age 70 success is ... Having a driver's license.
At age 75 success is ... Having friends.
At age 80 success is ... Not peeing in your pants.
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She
puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at
the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep
thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye
and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?".
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car having sex?"
"Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today".
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