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1.) A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is
not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds
him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He
appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes
a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?".
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car having sex?"
"Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today".
2.) A man was walking along a California beach and was in deep
prayer to the
Lord. He said, "Lord, you have promised to give me the desires of my heart.
That's what I am asking you for right now. Please give me a confirmation
that you will grant my wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded up over his head and the Lord in a booming voice
spoke to him. "I have searched your heart and determined it to be pure. The
last time I issued a blank wish request it was to Solomon. He didn't
disappoint me with his request for wisdom. I think I can trust that you
won't disappoint me either. Because you have been faithful to me in all
ways, I will grant you one wish you ask for."
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted
to go to Hawaii, but I'm deadly afraid of flying and I get very seasick on
boats. Could you build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over there to
visit whenever I want?"
The Lord laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of
that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of
how much concrete . . . how much steel!!! Your request is very
materialistic, a little disappointing. I could do it, but it's hard for me
to justify you craving for worldly things. Take a little more time and think
of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify Me as well."
The man thought about it for a long while and tried to think of a really
good wish. Finally, he said, "Here's the deal, Lord. I've been married and
divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm
insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women . . . I want to know
how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent
treatment . . . I want to know why they're crying . . . I want to know what
they really mean when they say 'Nothing' . . . I want to know how to make
them truly happy . . . That's the wish that I want, Lord."
After a few minutes, God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
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