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1.)

Tale Of The Wooden Eye

A man who had lost an eye goes to a fake eye shop. The
storekeeper says, "Well, we have marble eyes that cost
$400, glass eyes that cost $250, and wooden eyes that cost
$20." The man decided to go with the wood eye. He goes to
a party and sees a woman with a hair- lip. Since no one
wanted to dance with her, he walked up to her and asked her
to dance. She was so happy, that she cried out, "Would I?
Would I?"

At this, the man angrily responded, "Hair-lip! Hair-lip!"

 

2.)

The doctor took Dan into the room and said, "Dan, I have some good news and some bad news."
Dan said, "Give me the good news."

"They're going to name a disease after you."

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