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ADVANTAGES TO GETTING OLD:
* In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
* It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
* No one expects you to run into a burning building.
* People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
* People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
* There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
* Things you buy now won't wear out.
* You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
* You can eat dinner at 4:00
* You can live without sex but not without glasses.
* You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
* You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
* You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
* You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
* You got cable for the weather channel.
* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
* You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
* You send money to PBS.
* You sing along with the elevator music.
* You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
* Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
* Your back goes out more than you do.
* Your ears are hairier than your head.
* Your eyes won't get much worse.
* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
* Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
* Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
* People send you this list.
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