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1.)   St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention.
"Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"
"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"
"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."
"Sounds easy enough. OK."
So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"
The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."
Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward.
"Did you have any family?" he asked.
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet, and I made him myself in my own image, no sex was involved."
Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"
The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"

 

 

2.)   Suzie went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions, but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems.
Finally he asked, “Do you ever watch your husband’s face while you’re having sex?”
“Well, yes, I did once.”
“Well, how did he look?”
“Very angry.”
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said,
“Well Suzie, that’s very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband’s face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw his face that time?”
“He was looking through the window at us.”

 

 

 

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