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A man went to his barber to get a haircut before he left on
a trip to Rome. He was telling his barber about the trip
when the barber said, "Rome? Why would anyone go there?
It's crowded and dirty! So, how are you getting there?"
"We're flying on TWA," the man told him.
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible choice! The
planes are old and the flight attendants are ugly. Where
are you staying in Rome?"
"Oh, we're at the downtown Marriott."
"What? That dump with its overpriced rooms and poor
service? Well, what are you doing when you get there?" the
"Going to the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"Yeah? Well good luck. A million people want to see the
Pope. You'll never get close. But good luck to you. You'll
probably need it." Finishing the cut, the barber handed him
A month later, the man was back for another cut. The barber
asked about the trip to Rome. "Oh, it was wonderful. We
were on a brand new plane and it was so overcrowded we got
bumped to first class, where a beautiful young stewardess
waited on us hand and foot. And the hotel was fantastic!
They had just finished remodeling and were overbooked, so
they gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!
"Well, I know you didn't get to see the Pope," the surly
"Oh, but we did!" the man exclaimed. "We toured the Vatican
and were chosen to personally meet the Pope! I actually
knelt down as he spoke a few words to me!"
"Really?" the barber wondered, impressed despite himself.
"What did he say?"
"He said, 'Where'd you get that lousy haircut?'"
The chicken industry was in terrible shape, losing money and laying off
employees. Industry leaders hit upon a plan: They went to see the Pope and
said, "We'll give a million dollars to the Church if you agree to change the
Bible: Where it says, "Give us this day our daily bread," change it to "Give
us this day our daily chicken."
The Pope was outraged and said, "No!"
The chicken leaders said, "Okay, 10 million dollars."
"Absolutely not! I won't tamper with the Word of God!"
After some consultation, the chicken leaders said, "Okay. 100 million
dollars and that's our final offer!"
The Pope couldn't turn it down. He accepted.
At the next General Council, the Pope announced, "I have some good news and
bad news. The good news is that I've made 100 million dollars for the
Church. The bad news is.... we lost the Wonder Bread account."
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