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A man died and went to heaven, where he met St. Peter sitting at a desk in
the middle of a great hall. On the walls were millions of clocks.

What are those used for? he asked. St. Peter said, "there's one of them for
every living person on Earth ticking out the days of their lives."

The newcomer noticed that the hands of some of the clocks were moving faster
than others. "Why do they move at different speeds," he asked. St.Peter
said, "Every time you tell a lie you lose one day of your life."

The newcomer looked around and then asked, "Do you have one of these for
Bill Clinton?"

St. Peter answered, "Sure! It's in the back room. We use it for a ceiling

Make A Wish

Steve and Robert were out hiking one day when Steve pulls
out a cigar, but he didn't have a lighter. His friend
reaches into his backpack and pulls out a 12-inch Bic
lighter. "Wow!" Steve says. "Where did you get that?"
"I have a genie." Robert explains.
"What? A genie?! Can I see him?" Steve asks.
Robert opens his backpack, pulls out an old bottle, uncorks
it, and out pops a genie.
"Hey genie, since I'm a good friend of your master will you
grant me one wish?" Steve says, figuring it couldn't hurt
to ask.
"Certainly." The genie replies. Steve immediately asks him
for a million bucks. The genie nods his head once and pops
back into the bottle, pulling the cork in behind him. The
two men stand there, and Steve looks at his friend,
wondering where his money is. Suddenly the sky gets darker
and they look up to see a million ducks flying overheard.
Steve says, "Hey! I asked for a million bucks, not a
million ducks!"

Robert answers, "I guess I forgot to tell you that the
genie is hard of hearing. Did you really think I asked for
a 12-inch Bic?"




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