How To Clean A Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water.

3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and
close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that
he cannot escape).

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the
edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything he can
find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a
"power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite
effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that
there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly
lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run
outside where he will dry himself.


Sincerely,
The DOG

________________________________________________________________________________

The Spoon

A guy went into a restaurant and was taken to a table by the
head waiter. As he sat in the chair, he knocked the spoon onto
the floor. The head waiter reached into his pocket, pulled out another
spoon and placed it on the table.

The guy asked, " How come you had the spoon in your pocket?"

The head waiter responded, " We had a resource management
team come through and look at our jobs to suggest ways we could
improve. They found that 31% of our customers knock their spoon onto
the floor. If we carry one with us, it saves time by not having to go to
the kitchen to get a clean one. "That's a good idea," the guy said.

After finishing his meal, the guy got up to pay for his
meal. As he was paying, he noticed that the head waiter had a
piece of string hanging from his fly and told the waiter about it.
The head waiter acknowledged the string. "The resource
management team suggested ways to improve our jobs. They
suggested that if we have a piece of string attached to our fly, we
can pull on the string and the old fella will drop out. That way we
haven't used our hands and we don't need to wash them,
thus saving time." "What a great idea"" says the guy.

He paid for his meal and turned to leave the restaurant.
As he reached the door he realized that there was something
wrong with that idea. He turned to the head waiter and asked,
"...how do you get your old fella back in your pants?"

" Well I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."

 

 

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