#1)  The Pope

A gentleman had been trying for years to meet the Pope.
Finally, his wish was granted. When the gentleman
approached the Pope he said, "Your Eminence, I am so
happy to be given this chance to speak with you and I
would like to tell you a joke before I start."

The Pope replied, "Of course my son. Go ahead and tell
your joke."

The gentleman continued, "There were these two Pollacks

The Pope interrupted, "My son, do you realize that I am

"I'm sorry, your Eminence, I'll speak slower . . ."


#2)   Another lawyer joke

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. 

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. 

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." 

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them." 

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