In my hand...
80 year old Bessie bursts into the rec room of the men's
retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and
announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have
sex with me tonight!!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor
asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he
boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant
and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me
tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never
missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry
and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella Instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a
grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his
umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And
do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"Impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have
shot that bear."
"That's what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
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