1.) A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner grocery
picking out a large size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and
trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog." "But, you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But, the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an "I-told-you-so" said he was sorry the dog died, but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!"
2.) An English Professor was lecturing to his students
about the similarities between languages. He noted that in his studies of
languages, he found that most every language that had a double negative, it
really meant a positive. He went on to say that in none of the languages did a
double positive mean a negative.
Moments after pointing this language commonalty out, a student in the back of the room replied, "Yea, right."
3.) There's a guy who owns a parrot which never talks.
So, he goes to the pet shop to get some advice. The pet shop owner says he knows
exactly what the problem is.
"Your parrot has too much hook in it's beak, what you have to do is file its beak back and it will be able to talk just fine. You've got to be careful not to file it too far though, because if you take too much off the bird will drown the first time it has a drink."
The parrot owner asks how much the pet shop guy charges to do this beak modification and he says $100. So, the parrot fancier decides he'll do it himself.
A week or so later, they bump into one another in the street. The pet shop guy inquires how the parrot is and whether it is talking yet. The parrot owner says, "The parrot's dead." Pet shop guy says, "I told you not to file the beak back too far, did he drown when he had a drink?"
Ex-parrot owner says "Heck no, he was dead before I got him out of the vice!"
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