1.)

Embarrassing Moment At The Doctor's Office

An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an
office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with
patients.

He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large
imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a
very load voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here...
you want to see the doctor about impotence, right?"

All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to
look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No,
I've come to inquire about a sex change operation... and I'd like the
same doctor that did yours!"

2.)

Got Any Duck Feed?

A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?"
The clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it, so we don't
carry it." The duck says, "Okay," and leaves.

The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any
duck feed?" Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, "Got any duck feed?" The clerk
says, "I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had
duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll
nail your feet to the floor." he duck leaves.

The next day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?"
"No."
"Got any duck feed?"

3.)

Rodney Dangerfield One Liners

And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy...I'd have
nothing to play with.

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's
nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.

During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the
other night she called me from a hotel.

One day as I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging
naked. I said to the guy..."Hey buddy...why are you doing that?"
He said..."Because you came home early."

It's been a rough day. I got up this morning...put on a shirt and
a button fell off. I picked up by briefcase and the handle came
off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a
toaster and a radio.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his
wallet.

When I was born...the doctor came out to the waiting room and
said to my father...I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...
But he still pulled through.

My mother had morning sickness-after I was born.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my
finger to my father...He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost...I saw a policeman and asked him to help me
find my parents. I said to him..."Do you think we'll ever find
them?" He said..."I don't know kid...there are so many places
they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and
look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with
me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect".

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping
pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest!

 

 

 

 

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